just thoughts

random thoughts about how we function as people the dominate and submissive traits that clash but yet ying yang each other. How I only go out mostly at night here and in europe im out at anytime. How is been finally cooler weather instead of the oven heat. How this lip ring was in the way when i touched his lips... to keep it or not. how this recession is strange, there is jobs but too many of us applying everywhere. We are drowning in our own overpopulation lack of money society. How my cats are, kai has the heart murmur and its a worry on my mind all the time. Money I need more money to do this task. I want a job but I cant work retail, I am way to angry for it and the pay wont be as high. I miss my previous income that was nice and I was going to be ok until i got laid off. Why is there not enough jobs, how do people just live on unemployment and do nothing, I cant. I like this class so far its fun but a bit annoying at the same time. I need more training, need to sign up for the free classes offered by the agency. Must get better at flash, web, and whatever else i need to be a Media Specialist so I can be at the top of the game. Video is a must now as well, i want to learn but not sure i can do it, I have the photographic eye, but i question it. I want to heal him, make him healthier with my love. i love him. Strange thoughts how i know certain stuff and how much I observe but I dont remember learning or observing. Are we born with the secrets of the universe and lose them as we are born since we are already dying each second? kids are cute, will i be a good mother, when will my maternal clock stop, im worried i wont make it in time but its nothing to rush about. why does everything cost so much, and living in the US has become much harder than in other countries. Why is it even free if its not really. what am i doing in this pause on my life that I did not want to pause but i still cant be ungrateful since lots of good has come out of it as well. I need to go out walking my legs demand it when I am out, but I dont know where to walk and why. I attract talkers no matter where I go and I try not to be rude but at the same time i rather not get killed. I have so much more to live for now that he is around. Trying to eat healthy in a house that rarely eats any veggies. I miss my own place allot more than i was aware of ever. I cant help but to keep looking at apartments and housing stuff in swedish websites. How do i leave, when everything is paused around me. when will the new change come? I dont want anymore dreams of floodings but its the clue its time to move on, but how can i when everything is around is paused and not letting me go forward.

i need to shut up the thoughts and let them scramble into a dream, the key is in there but not the key to a job in sweden...