RIP my kaos

KAOS
april 3, 2003 - august 20, 2011

depression so deep, i need all my kitties from 5 to 4 and it feels lonely here.

Slept since 8pm yesterday and woke up to post then back to bed and woke up at 2pm.

I puked when I came back from taking Kaos to get cremated, they gave me a clay paw print and booklet with a pin to remember him by... but my heart shattered... 3 days to a week to get his ashes back to me.

6pm.... i was outside reading my textbook and I come inside to post my answer for class, when I here a noise near the table and there is kaos shaking going into a seizure, I grab his little face and stroke his body and tell him i love him its going to be ok just come back to me.... he keeps shaking and then i noticed his tongue slipping, i start screaming frantically, no dont die please dont. I scream for bobby 4 times and he comes in on my last scream, but kaos is gone by then. I felt his lief slip out from my hands.

i couldnt handle it so i went to sleep around 8pm only to wake up again and puke water and blood. I pass out again to realize i am one cat-less today. deep pain in my heart.

I remember when I first saw kaos at my husband at the times moms house. He was too young to take with me and I had a wedding and honeymoon to go on. I look at him and said I will come back for you when I come back, your my 4th kitty.

And I did I came back for him, so happy to have a second black kitten, I loved him and his crazy ways os spinning in small areas and taking over my other 3 cats, all so happy together.


He is the healthiest cat I had of the 5, always so swet but a bit distant. I always had to pounce him to be able to hug him and kiss and pet him. He learned in time that I was going to love him anyway. But he never really let me take pics with him he would run form me, I have 5 or less pics of us together but way more of just him and the family together.

He never looked amused when I took pictures, but he was most active when we played and chased and ate soft food. He had this thing about not being far from me at all. He was quiet but always near by. Espcially when going to bed he kept my spot warm. He would always play with the sheets and bed when I made it. Scratched up he bed real bad but its ok Iet him be koatic... after all his name is kaos now and forever.

so with a heavy heart it hurts to loose him but at least i got to say goodbye and tell him i love him before his last breathe... i pray for his little soul to meet me in heaven. i love my kaos.

over run by work

I am being over run by work, but I am working. I went 3 years with out work... a coworker told me well you learned to survive on minimal but you survived. And yea he is right I did with the help of my parents and friends. Without them I would of crumbled faster.

But then again who gets a divorce and gets laid off and looses insurance within the same month???? Me....

Now I am swamped with lots of work and overtime. but I have my own office and I can pace the room if I get frustrated and that is nice. I havent decorated it but have 2 things that are mine in a corner but I am ok with not really having anything or much. Its very Zen that its not cluttered.

A new girl started this week and she is taking more the data stuff away that I had but its nice but it worries me what if she takes too much. But at the same time I am beading quite a bit and photographing and communicating with the factories and client requests. So I am busy no matter what.

the people are nice at work and that is good.

Judged

I will never apprecicate being called a hyprocrite for wearing crosses on my earrings. So what if they are black i really like my earrings.

Just because i dont activley show my religious thoughts or prayers or say i am religious doesnt mean your better than me. I choose to be silent about my ways since i dont like to impose my ways or thought. Everyone finds thier own way to god. There is more than one path.

It bothers me to the core of my soul that i have been judged and casted a stone at me. A stone from some who talked down to me when its from the same lips that say i love you.... its cruel.