Where have they all gone?

Why is it that friendships are easy to lose as time passes and there are few who stay. But an online friend who lives in another state or country will outlast a friend that lives 3miles away? Or an acquaintance will check on you more often than your "real" friends when you have fallen, or birthday?

Where have they all gone? The ones who grew up with me, the ones that stood by me, have dwindled to almost none. The few that stayed don't even live in the same city. The ones that were there are now faded but stayed with each other, excluded me as if I were erased or never was there in the first place.

I was social once but that was slaughtered by those close to me, still trying to but not trusting so easily. Erased by others when I thought everything was good... getting married caused more of this to speed up. I announced that I was planning on moving out of the country, they came back. I announced I was laid off and they disappeared again.

Be my friend or bow out, but don't sting me along for when you just need me, I want to be able to run to you too when I am down. I want to have that trust, and not the empty words of "You can always come to me when something is wrong".

I am tired of this game and observing it, it had to be mentioned.

The major writing assignment for this week is to pick a topic, and i chose the impact of email.

The impact of electronic mail.

Messaging and mail has evolved since the mid 1960’s when it first was paper to DOS, then to what we now call email. Although the up rise in technology has helped the world interact with email and move its way to social online interaction; this new technology is causing a downfall as a social class chained to our inboxes for interaction.

Never the less the invention of messaging on computers has helped communication within a business and its employees. Those not so important memos that you wished would go away are here to stay. That annoying announcement, the reminder of the dreadful meeting in which you could swear will be the death of you. As we have progressed in this technology it has been simplified to what we now know it to be email and traveling at a rapid speed down telephone lines to people across the globe. It’s a message that gets spread like wildfire with one key stroke. It has caused a spark for online communities and thus creating new found friendships that we couldn’t achieve before with out traveling. Not only can you befriend someone in Japan, you can also be networking with someone else in Sweden or even find a long lost friend within the US. The possibilities to tell those who didn’t have email in their time, and hear “Well in my days we would write through snail mail and wait.” With thought in mind, it shows how far along messages have progressed.

Therefore online communities gave birth to social networks with gazillions of connections, application to interact and explore from the comfort of your home. How many networks are out there? Certainly more than you can remember to login to post a bulleting, a comment, or send an application request among friends as a friendly and quick way of saying “Hi, I was thinking of you” with out the cost of a monthly phone bill. Its knowing you have 50,000 friends even if they aren’t all talking. Just knowing you got a request can make even the loneliest child feel their glory of acceptance. All this beginnings with an email sent to your inbox. If you want to apply to a job in Finland all it would take is a click of a button and you can email your resume, no mail, stamps or costs. And not only that a faster response of rejection or enlighten moment that you got the job instead of the highly anticipated letter in the mail that would of taken weeks to get. This is another positive effect of the cause of email. It will save paper and fewer trees will be chopped up; and in time there earth will be cleansed. Less paper used as well a cleaner air that might invite you to step outside and feel good that you did at least one thing to help out the planet.

In contrast to the birth of email it has managed to destroy real life social networking skills. There are people visiting each other much less than before and calls have been reduced since all it takes is a quick shout on an email and mass message everyone on your address list. What is the point in driving or calling if it can be done faster and more efficiently with an email? There is no need to venture out when you could just email and chat to those, you could normally see. Printers & card designers will start to lose jobs since all you have to do to show you care is email a card you made on the computer or through a website so it arrives to the recipients inbox. Or just a plain message without having to go out and purchase anything, a lazier new habit is forming. Not only that but when you network with people in other countries you have to think of the time zone differences, you may have to stay up later or wake up earlier to be able to email chat when dealing with an important matter. This could clash with schedules being chained to the desk waiting for their reply or the possibility that it won’t come that day. Work can be emailed from home. If everyone I is working from home, buildings will become abandoned and just hollow shells of a wasteland. People will be so chained to being indoors, that when they step foot outside new allergies or illness from exposure outside will make them sick. All this is coming from being chained to the inbox in order to wait for an email message. Not only have we switched to emailing we have also cut down to acronyms, spell checks and inadequate sentence structures in our typing. The generations after the late 90’s won’t know how to spell, but just over simplify the words and education will start to vanquish, English teachers will go mad with fury that the lazy easier words are the new thing that could be the next evolution in typing and cutting everything else out.

Finally while messaging and mail has evolved from paper to what we now call email today. It has greatly shown an up rise in technology has helped the world interact with email and move its way to social online interaction; but meanwhile causing this to a downfall as a social class chained to our inboxes for interaction with one another.

Definition Essay: I want a lover who

The major writing assignment for this week is to compose a Definition Essay of approximately 800 to 1,000 words. Having to Follow Judy Brady's "I want a wife" essay:

Aileen Final

“I want a lover who”
I belong sometimes to the category of “hopeless romantics”. I say sometimes for I am quite distant at times, and in order to avoid complications I want a love that will fit all my needs and wants, even if he is fictional. And actually I did get asked if I could pick what I wanted in a guy and be as selfish as I wanted what would they be?

I want a lover who to be swept off my feet by a man who is as tall as 5’10” for I’m short female. I want a lover who will have blue eyes that pierce into my soul and make me weak and later on pierce me to death when it’s over. I want a lover who has black dyed hair with other assorted colors or plain dreamy blond. I want a lover who has semi short to long hair so I can play with it all I want and twirl it. I want a lover who will have such soft satin lips that ease the days stress away with the simplicity of a kiss. I want a lover who has piercings but not all over just a few placed nicely as if it were a design to accessories him. I want a lover who has tattoos, arm sleeves, on his knuckles and on his back so I can always have something to look at. I want a lover who has strong arms so when he pulls me in it’s with energy and passion and not weak and limp. I want a lover who shaves the excess body hair for he knows we aren’t cave folk. I want a lover who has a dreamy voice for me to get lost in the sounds of the words he speaks that I could just die of happiness with the usual greeting of a hello.

I want a lover who knows how to be outgoing but also reserved in certain scenarios. I want a lover who is intelligent but will never belittle me in front of people. I want a lover who loves to learn as well even about the most unimportant thing. I want a lover who has a sense of morbid humor to match my own. I want a lover who is independent and know not to cling to me like he was my child. I want a lover who is an animal lover and dodge the animals on the road. I want a lover who can be fun to be around and be a dork to liven up the mood. I want a lover who can sing beautifully but also know how to spoof it so I don’t sound so horrible. I want a lover who can dance around me when in a good mood or out in public. I want a lover who will be willing to compromise with me and everyone is happy. I want a lover who is my opposite but similar to me like perfect twin souls.

I want a lover who will love me beyond the extent of time and life. I want a lover who is a sweet romantic but not overdo it either to make me want to gag. I want a lover who will send me picture messages and the occasional one with an “I love you heart”. I want a lover who will send me text messages even if he is right next to me. I want a lover who loves my art and will help me get a gallery. I want a lover who loves to drive me places but will let me drive as well. I want a lover who will take walks with me even if we don’t know where we are going. I want a lover who will cuddle with me day or night to show his love. I want a lover who will give me lots of kisses and make it the new addiction. I want a lover who will make me feel alive even when all things have failed that day. I want a lover who will make me blush and glow to fulfill their joy.

I want a lover who knows how and can clean when I am swamped with making the income for us both. I want a lover who knows how to cook for when I am injured or having a bad day. I want a lover who sews since I can’t and we need to patch up clothes. I want a lover who has a job and make makes more than me so we can travel. I want a lover who has any job as long as he has a passion for it, and even if it makes less, it’s the passion that is needed. I want a lover who drives either a car or a motorcycle.

I want a lover who I can share my life and equal him in a perfect union. But I am aware there is no perfection and I will end up sacrificing allot but I can dream of that perfect love right?

I am not your mother

As i open by saying "I am not your mother", I don't mean in the sense of a child and mother but rather a wife telling her husband. Yes in a marriage sometimes the role of husband and wife has a u-turned into mother and son crash. After all how different really is a mother and a wife's role? They both cook, clean, pick up the mess, are there to comfort, a companion, but this is disrupted by sex. But I am sure Sigmund Freud would be right next to me telling me "See what I meant". The husbands subconscious has replaced a bad mother figure with his modern day bride who would never image she would play the role of mom.

Lets take exhibit A: Alice and Luis, two random people who meet at a concert who happen by fate had their friends talking and they talked and headed for the front of the concert. Luis was drawn to Alice immediately, and after the concert he was attached and in love with Alice's caring characteristics of asking how he was, asking if he needed this, are you comfortable, some motherly characteristics. The began to date and all was well some past family history did arise about his mother was not really a mother and not there for him while growing up, and then losing her at a young age as well didn't help the lack of mother role in Luis's life. Their relationship progressed from dating to engagement and marriage, and all was well equal commitment and compromises. Alice had not taken much motherly qualities but still had her wife title. Soon after the wedding a miscarriage occurred, and while they prepared those 3 months for the baby with items, breaking down habits and becoming more parents than the young couple they were. The mother instincts started to appear and Luis soaked them in like a sponge that had not seen water in centuries. Soon after the miscarriage the mother instincts where there for a while but began to fade out, and Luis started to descend into a child like need for a mother. Luis stops being eually helping and less compromising, and needed more attention and less chores to do and rebel as any child goes through while growing up. But it was happening all the sudden like a flood out of nowhere and it lasted a while, while Alice drowned in this sudden change and not knowing what to do or if she should take a breathe and hold it as it took her in the floods of an empty void.

Alice got the opportunity to go out of the country to where she would meet the people who were not judgmental, down to earth and striving for happiness and seeked it and conquered it. She was surrounded by these old emotions and way of life she was before her marriage started to plummet down a cliff. After 4 days there she came home to realize what had happened... she was the mother that he never had. This did not make Alice happy, so she tired to fix it and it got worse as if the husband had gotten to his "teenage rebellion" stage and would argue and get more aggregated with each other. This got to the point of driving Alice of disturbing thoughts how she was the mother with the benefit of sex, all she could hear and think was of Freud's theories and have him tell her over an over "see what i mean". Finally Alice breaks down and asks for a divorce, a week passed before Luis came to his senses and understood his wife's choice. Once again he saw her as his wife and not a mother figure, but he was too late to seize the moment and reconcile it, too much time had interrupted.

Alice did all the cooking, 95% of the cleaning, pick up after Luis, comforted him after his bad days at work or after having night terrors. This was becoming such a strain on the marriage. But any marriage has its major strains of going to work, come home do the home life chores, the bills to pay and all over again the next day. This will in all marriages and relationships as with living with someone can be a strain to adaptation. But in Alice and Luis' case they both has separate dreams they threw away to be with each other, and as soon as the problems surfaced they went ahead and seeked that directions leading to more issues and then finally the divorce.

Could their need to chase the dreams really cause a subconscious of sabotage to their marriage? Could Luis have been repressing his need for a mother while still dreaming of his true dream life that he left behind. Both of these seem to have held hands and walked him through it. Or could it had been just time to let go and move on with the wind's change?

It started with I am not your mother, from a mother to her son, then later damned from a wife to her husband. A cycle that came back from repression of the unconscious mind that would be the trigger for the divorce. There was never a difference between wife and mother aside from the sex. Its not hard for a husband to alter this in his mind and help in the downfall.

10 months and 7 days

I woke up this morning, only realize its already monday and there is 10 months and 7 days till my big move to Malmo, Sweden. I really am jumping to the other side of the pond... in search of new life. Away from family & friends, away from everything familiar, the culture i grew up in. Some would think that would make me home sick, but i am glad to get away from it. I am not a family oriented person although i was brought up in a very family oriented environment family first, hang out with family. I always pushed myself away it was not for me, and I didn't care to be part of it really. I hold friendships much higher since it seems I can connect with outsiders with ease than what is there in front of me.

So as i get out of bed to grab the laptop and check my messages I think about how it will be nice to wake up somewhere with an unfamiliar ceiling and surrounding myself with a new language, different creaking sounds, outside noises from the traffic outside and the only sense of familiarity is my 5 cats and the items that traveled with me. I know most people are all the same anywhere you go in the world, but this hermit will be excited to go out, go to work and explore life once more and maybe socialize. But even if I don't much more than now, something tells me the pace of life will be allot less stressful than it is now.

Something about europe has always caught my eye since I was a little girl, it lead to dreaming about living out somewhere in europe in a cottage house with green grass and the ocean near by, to sooth my soul any day. But I always envisioned it alone and never with someone... that should of been a sign before I got married. But it wasn't and i did the whole traditional lifestyle get married try to have a kid, and invest in a house. Had the miscarriage, getting divorced... its not for me or for him, but we tried and we do love each other enough to let go of each other so we can both pursue our own dreams. Its nice to know we can be friends still. But even more comforting someone else can see I want to run after my dreams.

So after putting aside my dream for some many years I am glad to be going about plan even if i am overly planning out ahead and getting as much done now so when the time comes I can take my dive into the ocean and sail away to new opportunities. 10 months and 7 days.... here i come

fyi this is my public journal, my private one is on livejournal.