im still trying to put a bullet in you and me...
my hands shaking and I cant do it...
but i dont deserve this pain in exchange for all the love i gave you.
I gave you the moon, the stars, the universe and endless love.
I gave it with out any limits,
i gave it pure, a naked soul

it was so endless
over and over i was there for you
love & friendship
what more could anyone ask for?

but wait
i was not smart enough to communicate
not good enough for you
but yet i was always open
telling you what was on my mind exactly
i shared my soul with you
i never held back
i communicated daily
email, texts, chats and even tried calling you

i gave you more love than your ex
i talked with you more
i shared with you more
i wanted to do things with you
together forever, endless love

but what did you do for me?
I did so much for you
and all i asked for was for love

and instead you abandoned me
threw me out of your lie
just as if i was trash
used up doll
no good
nothing to you

maybe i was just plain stupid, just like you said,
one of the last words i remember from you...

but i can still hear i love you echoing
in my mind like a ghost
frozen memories of beautiful love
but its just that frozen dead memories

i once

i once shared the nights stars with you. they glowed so vibrant and where so large that we could pluck them from the sky. The first time i saw them that close, and i was glad it was with you. such a beauiful moment to share followed by kissing your cheek and hands. you looked at me and smiled. the car seemed to be flying, takes us back to your apartment. like a fairy tale of love that memory froze into a mental photograph to last forever...

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Dear Karma

Dear Karma,

Where are you? And why have you been biting me? I have not done anything that bad, or deserve so much pain. I have been decent and giving lots of endless love to the one i love, not killing bugs (but running from a few), been nicer to strangers, not gone shopping really, been busy with work and school. And more that should justify for you to not harm me. I have not been putting myself in harms way at all, but instead trying to make it better for others.

So why the chain of recent events? The abandonment heartbreak from hell, betraying friends, car issues? and who knows what other invisible things.

But I am very grateful with what things are going right, but I could do without the heartaches, you know my heart is weak. So I do not understand your reasoning but I do think it is time you bother those that deserve it. Even if it is a little bit now, that is fine. I am not asking for full blown wrath but still I would appreciate you moving on away from me.

but if you were to ask for a list then... i have a list to share with you.

leen

ready for halloween

I am ready for halloween, I already got to go to a halloween party. Even if it was for work, it was nice to eat all the halloween goodies and be dressed up with people. I always love Halloween where we all play parts of that years fantasy or thrill. Especially kids, seeing thier faces light up as they really play their parts and gather candy in excitement. The night lights turn into stellar shows for them. As for me I love to watch all the different and same costumes and see the nights joy, and the only time we are not really judged. We are all colorful and oddly dressed. No one cares its is all about being dressed up and having a good time. This year I will be an Indian Princess, for once nothing scary but I will gore the idea out of course... but I started out innocent at least. Something different for a life that has twisted around me like being kicked out of my chair. But still first comes my birthday and then halloween
My job at the halloween store isnt so bad, its different for sure... graphic design and sales is massively different, universes different. But it pays the bills just like my food demo job.


this recession blows, someone was saying at lunch break that we will probably be headed to a depression... great 2012 can you get here faster? Well I am sure that wont help.

I soaked in his love, he treated me so loving like i have ever felt before, he was sweet, caring everything I ever dreamed of, and i fell in love deeply. I learned how to give love that came so deep from my heart, my soul deeper than my core... I learned that i can never do that again just to get hurt, its not worth it. I never ever imagined we would break up, and now that is gone. connect in love and spiritually.

still it hurts so much and there are moments where I am free of thoughts, but why do i have to suffer, what have I done so wrong in my life for karma to hit me where it hurts? Am I that bad of a person? Am I not worth having love? I dont know anymore, everything has gone down to hell, i have no confidence in anything I do and I am not ashamed to admit it since I am hurt and walking around like a zombie.

and go on

When you're going through hell, keep going on
till there's no more room in hell, the dead will walk the earth
and roam untill the end of times.
Still lingering to the past
away my soul I send you,
away from pain,
save yourself from this corpse

go on and away
there is no place for you here in hell
the pain is not worth the love inside of you
heart and soul fly away from here
save yourself from this corpse

save yourself