listening to him still aches my heart...
beautiful voice the bullet in my heart still...
you would never know "sweet blood" and other songs were about him and I...
immortalized...
just like death echoing...

I maybe stupid to go back and listen but I cant help it
it is in my music pile, and his voice is still beautiful

its been all said and done, nothing can be erased
but those beautiful moments and memories I would never erase, they were divine after all
bliss in the form of a human shape
such endless sea of love I gave and
yet i was forced to lock it into a bottle
lost inside only to look at it
like some art on a shelf

so beautiful
so dead
immortalized...
just like death echoing...

the year to draw

Since the new year has started I began to draw by hand again... a massive urge to draw whatever again. It is quiet nice to be honest, i am even forming a callus from drawing again. I had one for so many years and it went away slowly, like my soul was dying. But since the first I have drawn these and with more detail than normal, I must of gained some patience.

I have 2 canvas and 3 small coffins to paint, I will get to it soon hopefully.

I guess its like rebirth of my art start with what I started drawing, then to painting, then to mix media, to sculpting then graphic arts.

viva la leenstar!

Canada bound!

In Febuary I will be seeing one of my best friends in Canada! I am so excited!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And we are going to a Tim Burton Exhibit!!! Plus SNOWWWW!!!! OMG! First time I get to go to there and it is weird I wont be flying for 16hours, it is just 3 hours and that is strange to me.

Anyway I deleted my eharmony since I got really bad unwanted attention and the one guy I did go out on a date just used me, and stopped talking for 2 days. I dont play those games so pointless. Its a shame it went down like that but oh well thats the BS of life. But my first match on there is texting that is a plus since he has a sweet smile and he looks like a kind person. That makes me smile :)

life as a roller coaster in eternal chaos, and it is mine.

on time

I swear when I sleep earlier than 1am the next day is bad or I just get nightmares.... makes no sense.

I havent logged into my eharmony in two weeks to see matches, but i am paying to see the rejection... faster. Easier to be blind to it, deleting it tomorrow.

I suck at this...

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.5

falling

date two has passed and date 3 is coming up and I feel like I am falling hard and fast for him... and i know he is interested. Lots of smiles and butterflies when I get texted from him, I even took his picture, he just might be my new muse.

my only worry is getting another heartbreak wherever that is in the future stars, I dont want another heartbreak, so i worry maybe too fast I am falling for sam. But at the same time I dont want that to get in the way of now.

a match

Monday I went on a date, my first for the year and since the horrible break up. I met him on an online dating site... it is the new way to meet people and you know what it is great. He is great and we are very compatible!

For one I don't think I would of ever come across him in a city of 5million+ people. Also getting to know him though compatibility makes it better. I hesitated to message him first since well I am not very confident but I liked what he said about himself in his profile. Plus a warm smile :)

So our first date!
He asked me to have a drink(s) with him at a bar near where I go eat a lot at House of pies. I have never been but i remember when they first put it there. I am driving and he already texted me that he has butterflies! I get there 3 minutes before he gets there and oder my drink. Well he comes in and I recognize him immediately, he smiles and I am intrigued! Well we talked for 4 hours! just non-stop like chatty catty's! Found out we had more in common and it was just so nice and comforting to be around him. his hands are soft and his lips are soft. Lips like morphine literally...

there are more dates this week coming up :)

other good news I did well on an interview and may get another possible job from the at interview. Also playing phone tag with another job but I would be an art teacher to kids after school!

its been a good day!

1/1/11

A new Year has started, and I entered the new year a bit stressed. Very busy day of cleaning, printing out card orders, going to photograph a house, going to hang out with Cyn. First year I dont spend it with family or my cats, and first year I entered it stressed. Watching a fight and going to house of pies with Cyn then to a beautiful late cloudy night drive home. I get home around 5am and think I love driving so late but so early in the morning home.

it is when I feel most calm and tranquil with life, as I am one with the universe and nothing matters and everything is ok. Everything is ok at that time or just in general, a sense of peace I can not describe but it makes me happy.

2010 was a bad year for love, interesting jobs and meeting interesting people. But a lack of traveling much was not good. But I can not complain I feel this year I got closer to parents and family.

either way 2011 I can only hope your better to me this year, I am tired of the bad!