why?

Why do I feel so tired and drained? not physically, or my soul but my body. It's about a week or more of feeling like this, like I'm lost in existence. Am I real... what is real? like time has stopped but moving full force and I walk this parallel universe as if I broke some rule for still being alive, I crossed the line while a path of destiny is being written, or I pass enough righteous paths that I ran out and now on my own again. Left to write the rest of my epic story, the story of aileen. Its complicated chaos in a single blood drop but it holds everything about me genetically, but not personally, at least not yet. So all this is being paused but will my next step be my new path or fall... is it worth dying for or living for, I don't know I lost control but there isn't any control from any sides right now...

And as well as waking up having ugly days, we all have them from time to time, but a week is too much for even me. Ugly days as in you wake up feeling ugly and worthless, nothing matters or whatever I do I look like some rotten flesh of disgust. I cant hide or run for it but left to stand in front of the mirror and see the reflection and accept that I cant be beautiful past my eyes, it's my eyes that only are pretty they hold what little hope anyone can love me for. It's the look that can forever stain the mind of another why the rest just decomposes away one day at a time. It's not the lack of people telling me I am pretty but its not what I see or feel.

Normally venting makes one feel better, but not this time I just feel empty, life and emotions are being taken from me leaving me numb, but still able to love him, my tiny blue light is loosing its dim as I am questioned about the situation, its trying to glow but so much fog and dark clouds are letting corruption of doubt and any other negative emotion sneak it.

It's bad timing of those who whisper and ethics class together they seem to unbalance me, my boat is tipping and I am not sure to hold on or fall into the ice cold waters.

I guess I'll sleep on it, today is gone and nothing I can do about it now.