color stockholm

I miss you stockholm and all the awesome memories you have given me, even the getting lost ones are worth keeping. Wish I already had a job there and was moving there to be home. Stockholm är hemma!

Swedish Class Julen

Today was fun in my Swedish class we got to go over our work first half and the second half we got treated to Swedish saffron buns, and a rice pudding that I already forgot the name to, and Julen songs as well. I always enjoy my Swedish class it makes me happy, and the first year and second year classes where combined and it was nice for everyone to share a bit about the holiday traditions. A bit of feeling like home or belonging to a group.

But the feeling is much stronger when I cross Arlanda airport in Stockholm. As soon as I set foot in T-Central I feel so at home. Even more when I drop off my luggage at the hotel and start walking around and breathing in the much cleaner air, the less populated city, the marvel of the old building structures, such beauty of old and new. I do love when old and new is together in harmony. Its another reason I love Japan, some day I will go and visit and get fat on all the food. But for now Stockholm is home, and learning Swedish is a priority for me. And thankfully its not unwanted but instead cheerished and I look forward to it allot!

I did enjoy the saffron buns and the pearl sugar, but the rice pudding had too much milk for me but I cant have it with out it hurting my stomach which was a shame. But it was a wonderful time tonight <3

två för ett

In a world of one me me me, we are two who connect as one. As one we function to aid the other in many ways such as to cheer up, cry, be sad, happy, fear, dance, guide, mischief, love, laugh, hope, cook, dream and much more that can be imagined and dreamt. In a world of one we are two for one. Two people that do anything for each other, two people who make a unison of happiness, one melted soul, one heart beat.. two for one. It takes to communicate, two to help each other up, two for love. Two to become one word of us, we, our.

strange work days

I do designs, photography, calls, accounting, data entry, research, and now web... I do it all like some person with out a calling or multi talented. They seem comfortable with me more now which is good.

Got an email back from one job in sweden saying they would like to contact me next week and if I lived in stockholm... my heart jumped till I read if i lived there... then the feeling of being dammed just came through.

It seems like something else is going to happen, but right now who knows I will just keep practicing my swedish since that makes me happy. Besides getting love from my 5 cats.

add

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http://www.facebook.com/pages/Leenstar-aileen-Photography/167505048087

snow

Det snöade i Houston, Detta blir över isen på min bil. Snö är sällsynt här. Snön är vacker.


Some of my retired cameras, being photographed while reflecting myself looking back in a way. I love taking pictures of almost anything. No so sure how I feel about jewelry photography but I have been doing it for 5 years. I think I am much better with people and events, but really I can do it all if I am inspired if not its completely robotic. I do love my new camera allot, I need to take more pics of other stuff but with work, school and studying my for my swedish exam on monday... its been chaotic. Hopefully soon I can do it more.

älskare

pappa tid kan får inte riva vi borta för vi tillhöra ihop, vår hjärta och själ är i älskar för alltid. Detta är mig älskar saga.. det sist kärlek.

Min svenska är romantisk.
Jag älskare du för alltid och


swedish is beautiful sounding <3
or at least I can write love better in swedish it seems

more than your title

I am more than the title of a graphic designer, I also do photography. But at this job I also do inventory, accounting like tasks, manage the website and data entry. But at other jobs I also have been the organizer, cleaner, production coordinator, team worker, stocker, sales person, call person, book keeper, key holder, and much more. Job wise that is I am more than just a female worker I am all of it like some putty I can be flexible and adapative, I was made to work.


I am more than the title of a lover, also a monster. I also am a nurse, cleaner, cooker, organizer, budget finance, healer, listener, problem solver, and a cure. But also I have been a friend, partner, team worker, nagger, worrier, partner in mischief, drinking buddy, the shoulder to cry on, wardrobe coordinator, pick up after you, pet giver, secretary, and key holder to your heart. I am the monster for yelling back, arguing, walking away, crying, becoming selfish at times, telling you not to drink. I am more than kist a female lover I am all like a rag doll there to comfort and to be disregarded, I was made to love with the right person, other wise I am an empty doll.


I am more than the title of cat owner, more like owned by 5 cats. I am also the servant who brings the soft food, fetches the toys, cleans the litter box, brushes the hair, cleans up the mess and vomit, keeps the water fresh and clean, provides the food, and has windows, boxes, sleeping places, and toys. But I am also the loving human who cares for them when they are sick, happy, sad, mad, or having crazy running around moments, the scratching post, the one to scratch and bite. I am just a female who loves her cats and do anything for them since they really do need me.

/end random thoughts

working

after 11.5 months I finally have a job. But I do question it at times, I still am wishing to get a job in Stockholm, home is there, but my heart's home is elsewhere but hopefully with fate lining up I can be there and my heart will be content.

I really do miss being in Stockholm, I keep dreaming of being there just walking mostly but still I am there in my dreams and that is a piece of clam and home.

so back to the job, I am a product photographer shooting diamonds and genuine gemstones making them look fake like the trend is with the high end jewelers. I dont care for that style at all since it involves a lot of editing and why make it look so fake that when you buy it... its nto the same. A disappointment in my eyes. I did one ad, and the other one got given to the other person they normally out source. Makes no sense why hire me and then dont give me work that I have a degree in.

I am grateful I have a job but I still feel unworthy and useless since I am not being used for my potential, and I know I have allot more to show... but my wings are strapped down and not clipped.

makes no sense.

thoughts

can you come to me?
lay with me
hold my hand through it all
always kiss me no matter what
can you always be there like you said?
run to me
hold my head up from drowning?
save me from myself?
can you always be there like you said?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
will it all fade out
I am long gone in the dirt
drowning in my tears
the ground below me turns to mud
filling my lungs with the filth I was meant to carry
to never be good enough,
to be another burden in your eyes
a rusty nail in my heart
I cant pull it out
i am getting tired of it all
when will it be too much again
trapped in my hell
is it worth the trouble?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
relive the dream over and over
but I am just another bad dream for you
close your eyes again and sleep me out of your mind
shut me out like I never existed
just your fantasy gone wrong

false hope for you and I
false hope wont fix this dream
dream me out of your life
dream dream me out of your life

wake up and turn over
shake me out of your mind
im just another bad dream for you
nothing more
nothing less

Im there when you sleep
I am gone when you awaken
I live in your mind at night
you cant let me go
wondering where the fantasy went wrong

false hope for you and I
false hope wont fix this dream
dream me out of your life
dream dream me out of your life
dream dream me
dream dream me out
dream dream me to death

i am

employed first day tomorrow. Lets see how this goes after 11 months of being jobless. Of drowning in the unemployment hell.

but I am drowning to drown else where

the last love

have i told you enough that i love you?
or repeated that i miss you so much?
or that I can not imagine life without your love?
but I dont want to ever imagine that again
your love is beautiful

our love is sacred
with our love we breathe life into each other
with our kisses we electrify each other
with our touch we spin the butterflies in our stomaches
with our eyes our souls melt
with our love making we melt into one

there is no other love like this for us
this is the beginning to it all
that is a dream come true
this is the story tale love
then our future begins
as the last love

Dammed and Blessed

All within 5 minutes. I walk to get my Nikon D50 and I try to take a pitcture with out really looking at my camera. And when it wont let me and I look at it to behold the crack of death and the card reader wont work. I freak out change lens and cards hoping it still works... and nothing.

Oh the death of my camera! I begin to cry and freak out! I text my dad and he says we could try to get it fixed. But there is no Nikon approved repair shops, and with this damage I can see on it, it would cost more than the camera cost me. I love this camera so much, sure it was going out of date with 6MPX but it took 20,000+ pictures taken with this camera in 4 years. I figured I would always have it working with me even when I was able to get another.

But not it died on the Day of the Dead.

So I go online and look to see what I could possibly afford on a no budget. And hoping Billmelater.com would let me put another charge since I use them and pay over my amount and on time. Hoping I could get a camera, and I look at all the Nikons and look at a D90, D5000, & D3000 and compare them and noticed it was either the D90 or D5000. They were close in comparison but had had some spec differences, and I preferred the D5000. I go to a site to see what bundle sales they had and I tried it and I got approved.... I got approved! And for a Nikon 5000 12.3MXP I can afford the payments on this! Well somewhat but I will make it work.

so dammed one minute with a broken camera thats my life... and blessed 3-4 minutes later with a new camera. life is strange but I am most grateful!

I will shadow box my Nikon D50 with a few pics I took with it.

I still love my D50 <3