10 day challenge: day 7

Day 7

seven wants

||: one :||

I want to be debt free and more specifically school loan debt free. My degree is not worth the amount I have against me due to the diabolic thing called interest rates. It is not worth it, it doesn't add up to how much I will make ever. I could work for over 30 years and it will not amount to it. It is beyond stupidity reach of how much it is now. The day I win the lotto, I will pay it off and laugh with such malice of being free as if I were a demon loose on the hunt.

||: two :||

I want to travel so much and all over to show my daughter that the world is beautiful even when darkness tries to enclose us. That there shouldn't be any prejudice or judgment towards others since we are all living breathing humans trying to live this life!

||: three :||

I want there to be no need to fight wars that there can really be such a thing as peace and understanding. to go smoothly to not want to have to "rule the world" or my people are better than yours. We are all human. Even if there is a time when we are mixed with other types of beings I want a peaceful interaction. 

||: four :||

I want for people not to starve or not have enough food, there is a solution out there, but I don't know if it either. But I do know there is too much food being wasted here. Maybe there needs to be a place where you go cook in a place that has many kitchens and all the surplus food that is made is given to those who can not afford a meal, yet alone a homecooked meal. And if someone doesn't eat their food they can cut the untouched part and it can be made into a new meal for someone else. Something of that sort. 

||: five :||

I want cures for all the diseases that kills, death has no age limit but there are many times too many time really. When a good person is taken and they had to endure pain. For what? Why couldn't they live longer?

||: six :||

I want people to stop judging me by first impression or better yet first glance. Everyone I have befriended with the very very few, all thought I was a bitch since I didn't smile or talk or engage immediately. I dont judge on first impression, I leave it like a blank canvas ready to be painted by the other person, or a person holding a violin ready to play me their soul's song. 

||: seven :||

I want to meet someone who will make my heart, mind and soul sing out in love, and in return make them sing out as well. Doesn't have to be perfect guy, but loving, mature and knows how to love unconditionally as well.

10 day challenge: day 8

Day 8

E I G H T   F E A R S

[ O N E ]

poltergeist

[ T W O ]

buried alive

[ T H R E E ]

falling into a coffin

[ F O U R ]

spiders crawling on me

[ F I V E ]

Evil Doll attacking

[ S I X ]

Headless queen in Return to oz, or anything headless and walking.

[ S E V E N ]

ever having worms or a parasite inside me

[ E I G H T ]

flying cockroaches 

10 day challenge: day 9

Day 9 of the 10 day.

nine loves

||:{One}:||

My daughter Alice, she is a blessing and a handful but I love her most!
Motherly Love

||:{two}:||

My cats, since I have taken care of them since they were the size of my palm and have grown into semi plum happy kitties that come when I call. but still walk all over me.

Meow Love

||:{three}:||

My family since they have helped me, listened to me, had adventures with me, shared thier past with me, and love me. It is not just the intermediate family but past cousins of cousins.

Blood Relative Love

||:{four}:||

Art, all forms of art including ones I can not do well like mosaics and stain glass. I love making, seeing, hearing, reading, feeling and experiencing art! It speaks to my soul!

Creativity Love

||:{five}:||

Digital Cameras, although I love film and film cameras. My camera is a DSLR but I mean the fact that digital cameras have been made to fit into a cell phone, giving the leisure of capturing a moment easier. Or randomly really. I cant always carry my DSLR and diaper bag it gets heavy if its a quick outing, but it is ok I at least have my cell to capture that moment easier now.
Photograph Love

||:{six}:||

The invention of certain foods! Seriously I am grateful to whoever decided to create something edible. But that turned out fantastic and causes a craving like an addiction. So many food I have been lucky enough to try and taste and only to have an explosion of flavors wind down my throat and make my heart swell and my stomach go YUUUUMMM!

Food Love

||:{seven}:||

Traveling, I love to explore new places and cities that once were far away but became a jump over the pond. But not just me traveling but others who have traveled to meet up and make memories. Traveling is blissful unless its a busy season but it becomes fun after the chaos of the airport.

Explorer Love

||:{eight}:||

Sewing skills, I may not have the best or the most, but I have enough to be making a dream come true to sell soft toys I have designed with a flick of a drawing. then sewn together is like watching the fabric come to life. It is wonderful.

Needle & Thread Love

||:{nine}:||

Anime/Manga Binge watching, why? In my days when I could get my hands on rare anime it was fan subbed and pirated copies sold or just in japanese only and episodes were missing or had to go to the japanese supermarket to see all the new ones that may not make it to the states. But not thanks to sites like Netflix & Hulu I can watch whole seasons easily! or as many episodes as I want in day! Anime is for the dreamers and inner adventurers!
Manga Love

10 day challange: Day 10

I have gotten 2 blog challenges via my dear friend Sarah, 

so I have challenged her and & I to try this challenge:

Day 10:  ten Secrets

.:one:.

When I was little I was scared of the vampire in my closet and not the boogieman. Random yes I know but it was so scary to child self I made sure to always close the closet.
(image credit from Vampire Knight: Guilty)

.:two:.

I cannot see the a bright yellow color that well, it tends to go white if I look at it too long. A golden yellow is fine but it seems to try and fade. This is common and happens as we age,
(a blog that explains it nicely)

.:three:.

I have social anxiety and don't like to be in big crowds... but I love to see all the differences between all of use. Such as face structure, clothing styles, the way people walk, and facial expressions. It is as if I am breaking down the person into the puzzle pieces of their soul that bind them into who they are presenting to others.

.:four:.

I love to draw but have an strange hatred any time i am forced to draw realistic. It is not that I cant draw realistic, but I see that more for a camera to capture forever into a picture. I dont always appreciate realistic drawings either, I am not being snobby but it just doesn't speak to my soul.

.:five:.

I wish I was born with silver eyes, and silver hair and teal skin. Somewhere along humanity I feel we got cheated on color and design. And it makes me sad.

 .:six:.

I need to eat salty and sweet a few bites apart, or else I get really nauseous and get a gross taste as if a slab of mucus worm sits in my throat. And I don't like to throw up from it either. 

So cake and doritos please! this is more common into the taste disorder:
The most common taste disorder is phantom taste perception: a lingering, often unpleasant taste even though there is nothing in your mouth. 

.:seven:.

Poltergeist & Cemeteries freak me out as if I were spiked with an icicle. I won't go to cemetery at night, forget it! I won't go into a haunted house real or stage prop one. Something about these feel as if bad vibes want to leech on and I rather not be followed by it either. 

.:eight:.

I wont ever stop buying Ikea bookshelves and other products! Seriously they last for so long and it is ocd organization friendly. It makes me smile big! and want to organize some more right now! Plus I have been to the one in Stockholm, and I know the shortcuts to get around :)

.:nine:.

I hated wearing puffy girly dresses when I was younger, but I don't mind dresses now since it is practically the laziest outfit to get dressed into fast. But not puffy dresses I still HATE them. Not even my wedding dress was puffy! 

.:ten:.

I always own over 30 underwears, at one point i had 100. I wanted to pre prepared incase anything happened and I couldn't wash my my clothes at least I would have clean underwear! Living in a area that is prone to hurricanes and tornadoes, I always saw fit as a necessity like having plenty of water and flashlights.

this challange day was hard! but there you go 10 random secrets.

The Black Crayon

Like most days my daughter wants me to color/scribble with her in her coloring books. Most of the time she hands me the color I am allowed to color with at that moment. She changes my colors frequently so the picture looks like a colortastic vomit mess. If I color within the lines she flips out as well. It is quite funny that my toddler understands not to be confined by the lines. 

But there are days where where I am only allowed to color with the black crayon, and even worse I can not color but I must hold on to the black crayon only. But yesterday she had me coloring black in a lisa frank coloring book, and I kept thinking, gothing out this sweet pastel kitty into the pitch blackness essence of its hidden soul!!! She notice I was having fun and took it away from me.

as if she were saying "no mama that is enough gothness from you"
maybe... even though I wear colors she see's into the gothy soul and has dubbed me the black crayon master. Or it could be she sees me drawing with black pens, and my wacom's pen is black.

Toddler perspective is wise...

I dont need more

I made the choice to get a wacom tablet. 

Not too small or the best but one that I could work with happily. It is an investment that pushed me more into debt but that is ok since it will assist me in the ease of 

making more illustrations,
work on photos more organically,
finally continue and work faster on my children's book concepts
and make a forgotten dream of having hallmark like cards.

I have always wanted one since they came out, but it was out of my price range for what seemed as if were to be forever. But I decided one night to look at them, I had found a few I liked and walked away from it again. Then 3 days ago I looked again that got me sidetracked from something else and there they were slashed in price and I paused breathing. I checked every size and why was this one more than the other and the differences. Then finally the size was just right more of the size of the drawing sketchbooks I buy. I bought it.

I bought it... impulse but long awaited.

I finally received it and began to draw and as fluid as drinking water the image came alive, I was lost in a trance of tranquility while checking on my daughter throwing toys around. She would randomly peep and tell me pretty mama pretty. My heart felt like it has shined the day the little girl bought my koi fish design.

yes this is the path to go, this feels right and most of all my soul felt tranquil.

I feel more in control of my drawing as opposed to the mouse. I can feel the inspiration tingling at my fingertips, ready to explode out in a blink of an instant.

with this purchase I don't need more, I am completely satisfied, I have a camera that works, a mac that is still running, plenty of art tools/supplies, camera equipments to restart, and my tablet. to me I have it all I feel rich and tranquil. 

art is 90% of my life, yes motherhood is 100%, but thats another part of my soul, i live breathe dream and bleed art. I can now create more magic within my hands and show the wonder to my daughter. I don't need more, I can take it from here life. 

watch me leap into flight & forward!

End of the year

There still is 13 more days till the end of this year, but really the end of year is when we have a birthday. So why not? I have been challenged to do an end of year blog entry and might as well start now.

.: 2 0 1 4 :.
Year of Art, Motherhood & Planning for the future

Last December I decided I would take sewing lessons in January and since I took that leap to try a new art skill/career it has taken off! First classes I took and really enjoyed sewing that I was gifted my first ever sewing machine, a retro inspired singer. Black as the night and another instrument of creativity at my hands. About 2 months into the lessons, I decided to make my first toy kitty design. I watched it come to life from a slick movement of my pen to start the pattern, the steady hum of the needle then the final woven eyes... a leen kitty was born. And as if a sparked star lay in my hand burning with hope and the urge to sew. My daughter asked for the kitty with a gesture and within a blink of an eye she hugged it and smiled in such approval. I knew I found a path to take in life.
JewelLeen was reborn. I have made over 100 Designs, and sold 33 designs. I have expanded from online to craft show. From kitties to cosplayers to doggies, bunnies, giraffes and now scarves.

My hands burn with excitement to sew, just like when I draw, photograph or paint. A new part of my soul awoke, another path to happiness and of course hope to succeed into a true day job. No store has taken me in to sell my designs, But I have not pushed for it, 2015 I will look into and make it happen!

Besides the sewing, I have gained more photography equipment again, had to rebuy due to someone keeping it from me. But flashes, lights, backdrops and small enhancement lenses. I have gained a few more clients this year but I would of loved to gain more. I did join another freelance company to help bring more jobs but it has not happened so much this year.

While I had almost come to a complete stop in drawing or illustrations, I did set myself a goal toward the end of the year 100 drawings in a 100 days. It was a good idea since my love of drawing was reborn and increased so much that I took the plunge to get a wacom (hello more debt), but now I will be able to draw faster on my mac instead of a mouse. It will be like drawing by hand on paper. Plus I will make my own cards to sell next year. Many mini dreams to make more true. This will also help with my paused children's books, I keep changing concepts but I have it all ready in my mind and at the tips of my fingers ready to go.

Painting has really fallen behind but I was able to hand paint onto my toy designs for my JewelLeen and that made me happy to apply mix media and cross over my passions. I hope to be able to paint more in 2015.

Although I do not have a steady job,  I have been pushing for more freelance jobs, and it has been better than last year but not as good as it used to be either. Either way I am grateful for what I have gained this year.

Motherhood to my now 2 year old has been interesting and stressful many days, we both can butt heads but we love eachother so much. I am very blessed to see how the human mind grows and learns, I watch her discover things, explore and try to figure it out and when she can't I shower her a few ways, and it sticks. Like a sponge of genius, months go by and what I think she didn't learn or pay attention she starts to do much better randomly.

Travel was only to 1 local city, but it was the first time I was able to travel with my daughter and I loved it, that gave me a positive outlook for taking her to London in 2015! I cant wait to show her a new world together and we will be discovering it for the first time together! We will be lucky enough to visit my dear friend Sarah & her Mum! I cant wait! We will be there for my bday, happy 31st to me then! It will be an adventure and hopefully a start of new travels to come.

Healthwise it has been up and down, I got more sick this year than any year, my eyes have developed issues but it can be controlled luckily. Eyesight is a major gift and blessing to me!

Pets, none of my pets have gotten sick this year! or worse than the normal problems, that is a blessing!

Family/friends well we have lost a few this year that have hurt very much. I have one friend who has visited, but I stronger bonds with my friends who are far away. Family has been able to visit more this year and although it can be lonely so much of the time, there has been many memories made and interactions!

Overall it has been a so-so year but I can't really complain since I have been trying to push more and more this wall that has been placed before me. I can only hope in 2015 it will finally break and things will move forward more but not so fast I keep falling on my face.

this turned out longer than I expected.

Happy Holidays

Happy Holidays, yes Holidays, why?
There is more than one holiday going on in december and always has been. No point to be greedy in just saying merry christmas, that just fucks over the other holidays as if they are not important. But THEY ARE, they have to do with families gathering to celebrate their traditions together. there is nothing wrong with that, so happy ALL holidays!

please have all the yummy foods I have not tried at your holiday feast for me. And make happy memories.

lots has happened

So much has happened since I last blog and it hasn't even been two weeks.
Things can really can unspiral real fast with several deaths and injustices in the world. It has been strange to hear a few more family members pass and a close family friend who I figured would always be around. Do damn naive... I cried for 2.5 days, it still hurts. I have helped make the funeral brochures and photos to be used as ornaments for others who are grieving, but it still doesn't feel like I have done enough for him.

I have written a small speech for the open eulogy
We are all gathered here today for Lu Cruz, as a powerful testament of the union of love, family and friendship; that we have have received from Lu. We are all ripples from the splash of Lu entering our lives. Connected together, and together we should stay as proof of Lu's love and light he has shown in all of our hearts.  Today we are saying goodbye but it is not the end, he lives on in each and every one of our hearts, our memories and daily thoughts. Let us stay connected together for Lu has woven us together to help heal the loss of Lu. May you all keep in touch with the Cruz family to resonate the love Lu has shown us, we must keep his love and kindness alive and going strong.  Now may eternal rest grant unto them, O'Lord, and let perpetual light shine upon them. May Lu rest in peace. Let us pray for Lu's Family and friends and may we be united together again in one family.

Seems longer typed than written by hand. but it still feels like I havent done enough, but in reality there will never be enough to be done.

Top 10 movies, challange accepted

I was tagged to do the top 10 movies of mine that adore and can watch endlessly and forever.

1. Unico in the island of Magic

(Sanrio Film 1983)

I saw this movie when I was 2, and yet it still is as vibrant in my memory. Lucky it was recorded off of tv for looking cute.  Thus this was first introduction to anime. This movie is magical and full of adventure and illuminated my inner creativity! And I just found it for sale it has been remastered and I am so thankful I can show it to my daughter now as well!

2. The Nutcracker Fantasy
(Sanrio Film 1979)

Another Japanese cartoon from my childhood, I was under 5 when I saw it, and the rag man till this day can give me nightmares. Beautiful stop motion of the nutcracker with more whimsy and beauty. So much more like Alice in wonderland but more. Another movie that was recorded for me for looking cute and it has been remastered and just came out again in Japan again! I cant wait to finally hear it in it's original language and buy it! Another movie I want to share with my daughter so bad!

3. The Nightmare before Christmas

It came out on my birthday, it was meant to be! Although I was a tim burton fan from when I was little with beetlejuice. This movie I can sing and speak along, it hits the creative soul always. I never tire of it and never will. Not even when my daughter watches it 2 times in a row. Nothing beats jack's want to bring something new and although it didn't go to plan it was an experience worth learning. What's this is the same feeling I get when I find new places to love. 

4. Romeo & Juliet 

(1996 directo Baz Lurmann)

My favorite Shakespeare play, I used to know all the words. But I love the fast paced drung induced feeling movie. The feel of the movie, the colors and clash of old world are just how I dream, once I saw it I felt so happy that I am not the only one who can dream in such a manner. Plus who could resist Claire & Leo together at the time! 

5. Edward Scissorhands

The beauty of tim burton, how could not love this movie? the sweetness and shyness of edward the creative soul within the fragile look. Plus Vincent Price! Even though I own this movie I stop to watch it if it is on the tv, I am captivated buy this movie.

6. The Addams Family

Morticia & Gomez such love and passion and so what if they are quirky they made me feel happy and comfortable. Such great one liners and insults. Both movies are great but the first one is my favorite. I miss the cartoons as well.

7. What Dreams may come

A movie about soulmates, life/death, art, beauty, soul seeking, takes from dante's inferno ideas. Such beauty interlaced into this movie. It rips the tears from my eyes just pressing play. When I first saw it I wasnt aware it is a drama, I cried so much but adored it so much more. Robin Williams did an amazing job in this movie and made me feel his love for his soulmate and I rooted for him! I haven't watched it since he has passed, I tear up just thinking about it...

8. Donnie Darko

a bit of a mind fuck and what? but it pulls me into its chaos and well Jake!!! A movie to watch and then rewatch to watch it unfold on a loop of time travel/wormholes. It just stays with you and taps the black matter part of your soul, at least for me it does and fuels me to draw.

9. Eternal Sunshine of a Spotless Mind

Beautiful, dreamy and just watching the ripple of effects and how somethings are just meant to be true happy opposites. I wouldn't erase someone, this movie shows how much we can grow as a person within a relationship no matter if it falls apart. its just beautiful and the music!

 10. The Science of Sleep

It is in english, french & spanish! I love the back and forth and makes my mind think faster and creativity flow, the ideas of dreams are what I have as well and Stephan's child like thinking only ties it much more to this movie. The forest in the boat, the thin line of reality and imagination. 

what can I say these movies plus a few more  are the roots to my soul and creativity and just puzzle pieces of how I see the world, and I am not alone...

it wouldnt kill you to reshare...

I dont understand the lack of reshares, or pass along info to help a "friend" or acquaintance out. Most will ask for something of theirs to be reshared, but when you ask if they can do it... they are quieter than a silent film.

it wouldn't kill you to reshare, or maybe it is the darker side of it... they dont want to see you succeed or reach your goal. Or possible envy that aren't trying to do something they love doing? or the basic they flat out don't care about you. Then why bother lurking around.

Makes no sense. I reshare a ton of pages and other's work since I am willing to help out fellow artists find a new customer/sale! Everyone should be able to do something they love even if it is not the conventional 9-5 job. I think it is wonderful if an art is being made then can make it to the corporate or fame level. Dream achieved!

Doesn't everyone see it this way? It seems I don't understand the non artist mind, that is a mystery to me and probably the home of those who don't want to see people succeed. Probably not all of them but it is strange.

Do a good deed and reshare fellow artists links! we all want to work the dream job!

Anime/Manga rewatching & Discoveries

I have been on a binge of rewatching anime shows I used to watch when I was younger and tossing a random new one in between, or finishing ones that I never finished.

it is FANTASTIC! I never fully stopped watching it really since I have various DVD's but the VHS haven't been watched due to lack of vhs player. But I am going to test a hand-me-down one soon! But the fact that watching beautiful art has been reinspiring me to draw more, color more and just be more imaginative again, i love it!

Of course with the new release of the 200 Episodes uncut of Sailormoon! I dove into buying it digital! But then with the beautiful Manga adaptation finally being made to be SailorMoon Crystal ♥︎, oh my I love it and it is the version I fell in love with when I found it in just japanese only!

of course that was at a time when most anime's were not in the states, and you had to find bootlegs online or in very very few anime stores or random comic book stores. Luckily I could watch it in Mexico with my cousins, and they recorded it for me as well. Also in mexico there was less restrictions of what was shown or what merchandise would come to sale. I had a grand collection of coloring books! Luckily I was introduced a ton of anime while spending my summer with grandma. She would walk me to the comic book store or the market to try and find stuff ♥︎

One of the anime's I could only watch in mexico was Ranma 1/2, I finally watched it ALL in order and not here and there episodes last month. Loved it and was glad to finally see it all. Wish it was longer but thats how it will be with any story you enjoy. Which also lead me to InuYasha, I just recently also finally watched all of it and in order, including the movies.

While I have been watching anime since I was 2, and yes it is confirmed with a movie called Unico, a movie by Sanrio! I have it on VHS and I wish I could find a copy that maybe better quality than my recording! I want my daughter to enjoy it! This is the first movie I recall as a child and the one that set me down the path of cute anime style animation. 

This did lead me to CLAMP's animation and still is my top fav animator ladies! There really isnt a storyline/manda they make that I dont love. First was X/1999 and it introduced me to their talented art and stories. Of course the cuteness of Cardcaptor Sakura, the cybercuteness of Chobits and then XXXholic humor :)

There are tons more I could name since so many have been seen and appreciated. But my random discovery was Youko X Boko SS also known as Inu X Boko SS, depending on what you want to find on the show. There is 12 episodes in the anime, but the Manga goes to 10 vol! I laughed & was very intrigued by the show, the manga explains it better. But the show is quirky and romantic at the same time! It is worth a watch and once I can find an Artbook to purchase I shall! I really hope they continue the anime! Sou-chan is one of my top fav male characters ♥︎ Plus I really think I will cosplay RiriChiyo, I loved the school uniform and her yokai outfit as well!

I may just turned 30, but that is 28 years of anime, its a great time to be alive to have more access to many Anime's! such a different time from the 90's!

The only times I have ever felt pretty is when my hair has pink or magenta tones! I absolutely HATE HATE HATE HATE having normal hair. But since I had yo come back home and no luck at getting another good job it has been forced to stay normal and worse I get called ugly by the one who should be supportive.

Instead while i feel prettiest i get verbally attacked that I look ugly, I need to grow up and be a real woman with normal hair... 

HAIR color has NOTHING to do with being a woman. I am responsible, hard worker, great budgeter, can clean/cook. I have 1 college degree and know 3 languages and even a mother. I am honest, superveb time managment skills, non prejudice, unjudgmental. 

This falls into the people who ste judmental and cast all stones to those who are not cookie cutters... 

Ugh

Seriously missing my beautiful pink/purple/black :(