thats about right, since looking was an option i gave up on years ago.

"My depression is the most faithful mistress I have known -- no wonder, then, that I return the love." ~Soren kierkegaard

I did always say death is my sweet lover that embraces me... or like someone wonderful said "this love will be the death of me"

music for all times

the beauty of music outlast our lifetime, the sounds will keep echoing not just in oneself but in everyone it has also touched. It ripples and never stops, it bounces forward, back, sideways and keeps moving to the beats that make our hearts feel fulfilled.

music has no death, even when the maker is long gone the little bit of sonic soul still lives on.

music is a beautiful thing that lives on for all times.

missing

I am missing him, I have gone longer amount of days without talking but this time its different. I miss him, he is the little light in my heart that thumps, its a sweet love. He did message me early this morning that awoke me, but it was worth it to feel the happy smile on my face and the warmth in my heart. Especially now that its been bad days one after another, my world wants to crumble before I go off to see him too.

As my ground breaks and I am jumping the falling stones to be able to reach the edge. I leap and am hanging on with not much strength and as I feel the want to let go, I get hope I need from him, its invisible but its as if he is pulling me up. In reality we are pulling each other up from our life's mishaps and crumbles at the same time, one soul split into two, seeking self comfort within the two is how we work. I am nightlight, he is sunlight we compliment eachother not only in differences but in similarities as well.

I wish everyone could feel a love like this, I would save the world if I could give that gift to everyone.

midsommarafton

In sweden Midsommararfton (mid summer eve) has a tradition of
"In the past, innocent girls picked seven flowers as they wandered home; placing the flowers under their pillow was supposed to inspire them to dream of their future husband. Even today some keep this Midsummer tradition alive, dreaming of future love."
for more info on the activites: http://www.sweden.se/eng/Home/Lifestyle/Traditions/Reading/Midsummer/

and I thought it was cute enough to draw

reflect

beautifully said by Jeff Thomas of www.azuzephre.net

<3

i r mutant

I am peeling now almost 3 days later and its not a nice peel but an uneven random spots. but the good thing is I enjoy peeling the skin off of me... yea some sick twisted thing of mine, but they go straight to the trash, its still interesting to look at all the lines and pore holes and yea messed up art in my eyes!

but i feel like some mutant, no pics of me for a while + intense scrubbings! I am still cooking but what is done has tanned me decent, i was white lovely milky white... now i am a light tan.

Beach Day

So my day started at 5:30am getting up and getting dressed to go to kristina's house to go to the beach. I get there and we load the truck, head to HEB, then to mcdonalds since i was starving and realizing its been a soooo long since i saw the morning :) then we head out to get her brother who is on the way. But on the way there we make sure to paparrazi the presidents, since we cant get a pic when we are driving by ourself, and mission accomplished!

Then we get there and pick up her brother and heat out to galveston where kristina's ipod had already been trying to hit me. We get there without any traffic since it was still early. And it was sad to see that allot of the buildings were still damaged from ike and left to be abandoned. Quite a sadness in the air, but its sunny and not so humid with a nice wind that makes the waves crash and get stronger.


We sit for a bit, her brother tries to mess with the umbrella, and kristina and I as well as her co workers head out to the ocean and jump the waves, get cold, get attacked by schools of fish, i get hit in the stomach by a fish, step on a crab, almost drown about 4 times, kristina tries to save me! Then we are gettign pulled out by the under current, sucking into the sea! and a whole orderal to keep above the water. We are worn out and lay there for a while till we head to the showers and change to go back. Lots of sea gulls were around and all i could think of them was then saying "mine, mine, mine" over and over.


As we are heading out we see a sign for the moody garden's exhibit for a dino show, so we go and see it and its just robotic Dino's and it was a bit corny but still interesting to see, eat a cookie and have a virgin pina coloada before heading back home.


come back red, but today i am slowly still cooking and my stomach, legs and arms are halfway to being tan. my back and chest is still red, but it was fun, and it was my exercise.

the ocean

I am off to the Ocean in 6 hours, the local beach that once was brown and ugly but still an ocean to be near. When I am near the water I am in my element and much calmer and my mind stops thinking and I hear the ocean waves. Its a feeling of home and one with the earth. I love oceans in the summer, and winter its so beautiful.

(jamaica 2007 shot by me)

deleted

i finally did it... i deleted my livejournal all the negative and bad of the past is gone, a weight has been lifted, but another remains... life.

MIA some more

silence in the stars

lil blog i am abandoning you and the online world for a few days.
dont let me go in the mean time as i think and hide

"Everybody's Gotta Learn Sometimes" - Beck

its so beautiful, and so is the movie perfect fitting to this movie and concept.

20 minute wait

while i wait on the phone with this 20 minute wait, my mind circles of course. But when doesn't it, and even more when I eat, when i dont i am focused on finding food.

Anyway lets do a late introduction blog, I just plunged into you with out any prior knowledge of me, forcing you to be my priest in a confession stand, but to you I go to, and not the church. Odd yes... So anyway hi blog I am a manic girl who is artsy in various fields of art like graphic design, photography, paintings, drawings, cooking and being organized. I am in in love with a man that is my twin soul but yet I don't always understand, but I love him enough to want to understand and know. But I do know I love him dearly and when I am with, talking, emailing with him I am happy and excited like a child given its first piece of candy. I am savoring this love, and don't want it to end. But that isn't my choice, as you can tell so far I am either really happy or really down, an extremist that can find balance in everything but not in emotions. I have 5 cats that i adore to death since they are my everyday interaction and bring a smile into my life or an ouch from the stampedes. I havent been doing much art lately, but just 2 days ago I got a new sketchbook so I have been drawing again, with more details this time, I will load pics when I am done with the 3rd drawing, but not the first it didnt turn out so well, so to the trash it goes!

well just got that done, and now time for another FBL issue, oh by the way bloggy i am divorced and it was not productive at all, basic waste of time with someone who loved me but didnt learn, turned out selfish and disorganized, a complete opposite that should of been stopped but no one got in the way.