i once

i once shared the nights stars with you. they glowed so vibrant and where so large that we could pluck them from the sky. The first time i saw them that close, and i was glad it was with you. such a beauiful moment to share followed by kissing your cheek and hands. you looked at me and smiled. the car seemed to be flying, takes us back to your apartment. like a fairy tale of love that memory froze into a mental photograph to last forever...

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Dear Karma

Dear Karma,

Where are you? And why have you been biting me? I have not done anything that bad, or deserve so much pain. I have been decent and giving lots of endless love to the one i love, not killing bugs (but running from a few), been nicer to strangers, not gone shopping really, been busy with work and school. And more that should justify for you to not harm me. I have not been putting myself in harms way at all, but instead trying to make it better for others.

So why the chain of recent events? The abandonment heartbreak from hell, betraying friends, car issues? and who knows what other invisible things.

But I am very grateful with what things are going right, but I could do without the heartaches, you know my heart is weak. So I do not understand your reasoning but I do think it is time you bother those that deserve it. Even if it is a little bit now, that is fine. I am not asking for full blown wrath but still I would appreciate you moving on away from me.

but if you were to ask for a list then... i have a list to share with you.

leen

ready for halloween

I am ready for halloween, I already got to go to a halloween party. Even if it was for work, it was nice to eat all the halloween goodies and be dressed up with people. I always love Halloween where we all play parts of that years fantasy or thrill. Especially kids, seeing thier faces light up as they really play their parts and gather candy in excitement. The night lights turn into stellar shows for them. As for me I love to watch all the different and same costumes and see the nights joy, and the only time we are not really judged. We are all colorful and oddly dressed. No one cares its is all about being dressed up and having a good time. This year I will be an Indian Princess, for once nothing scary but I will gore the idea out of course... but I started out innocent at least. Something different for a life that has twisted around me like being kicked out of my chair. But still first comes my birthday and then halloween
My job at the halloween store isnt so bad, its different for sure... graphic design and sales is massively different, universes different. But it pays the bills just like my food demo job.


this recession blows, someone was saying at lunch break that we will probably be headed to a depression... great 2012 can you get here faster? Well I am sure that wont help.

I soaked in his love, he treated me so loving like i have ever felt before, he was sweet, caring everything I ever dreamed of, and i fell in love deeply. I learned how to give love that came so deep from my heart, my soul deeper than my core... I learned that i can never do that again just to get hurt, its not worth it. I never ever imagined we would break up, and now that is gone. connect in love and spiritually.

still it hurts so much and there are moments where I am free of thoughts, but why do i have to suffer, what have I done so wrong in my life for karma to hit me where it hurts? Am I that bad of a person? Am I not worth having love? I dont know anymore, everything has gone down to hell, i have no confidence in anything I do and I am not ashamed to admit it since I am hurt and walking around like a zombie.

and go on

When you're going through hell, keep going on
till there's no more room in hell, the dead will walk the earth
and roam untill the end of times.
Still lingering to the past
away my soul I send you,
away from pain,
save yourself from this corpse

go on and away
there is no place for you here in hell
the pain is not worth the love inside of you
heart and soul fly away from here
save yourself from this corpse

save yourself

there is nothing... alone and death of leenstar... this is heartbreak hell and i am burning in it

the last love

once upon a time there was a boy and girl who meet under the twinkle of the stars lights indoors, their eyes crossed like collision... forever connecting spiritually... this is the story of the last love....

twin soul roses

twin soul of mine I met you in life. where my veins turned to roots to sprout out my love for you in a form of a rose. star shaped rose blooming and slick red velvet. our souls matched and bloomed oh so beautifully.


wilting away slowly, but together past loving until death and into the afterlife. twin soul of mine in death I stay by your side. I absorb the poision out of the water so you may radient with your beauty much longer. I let myself get infected for you for I give you all my water and air and die first so you can breathe and live longer than I.

"When you photograph people in colour you photograph their clothes. But when you photograph people in B&W, you photograph their souls!" ~Ted Grant

some inspiring love quotes

“The most important thing in life is to learn how to give out love, and to let it come in.”
Fenderx Morrie Schwartz quotes


“For it was not into my ear you whispered, but into my heart. It was not my lips you kissed, but my soul.”~ Judy Garland quotes

“I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love.”
Mother Teresa

“Trying to make someone fall in love with you is about as pointless as trying to control who you fall in love with.”

“Every man is afraid of something. That's how you know he's in love with you; when he is afraid of losing you.”

“Love is not blind; it simply enables one to see things others fail to see.”

“It is better to lose your pride with someone you love rather than to lose that someone you love with your useless pride.”

“True Love burns the brightest, But the brightest flames leave the deepest scars.”

I Would Do Anything For Love

endlessly

<3

still jobless

I am still jobless but I have not given up on looking for a job. I have started looking at odd jobs, one time jobs, and even retail again. But I am too moody for retail since I am impatience with idiotic customers. I can do it but its harboring a lot of anger. Well anyway I am trying and I always do good at interviews and get told I have a great portfolio and give great interviews but it seems someone is always taking the job away from me! Although I did notice one place I interviewed at 2 weeks ago has reposted needing people again... WTF?!?!!?!

I am a hard worker and very organized and do well when working. But more than ever now I need to work and save and pay off cards. But mostly save to move, the time has come to get ready to move and I am ready. Moving on in life and trying not to let life keep pushing me down!

I am tried of the random crap and walls since the divorce, seriously got divorced lost my insurance and got laid off in the same month! Hard as fuck! Then to go about a year without work on unemployment, which was strange for me sine I am a workaholic. But then luck came and i got a job it was ok, went to crappy and to disrespectful boss, it was a little bit here and there and then for 3 days straight he was beyond rude and insulting. 3 days!!! WTH, i worked hard in the back doing all the computer work that they didnt want to do plus designs, web maintenance, data entry, inventory, and print tags. I had gotten health insurance there since I needed it so the boss knew i needed the job. Well the disrespect I got was not worth it and talking it over with my parents I was able to quit.

So since May i have been jobless and well I need a job! or win the lottery, I dont really need much to survive, well it is in a way since I would love to pay off my current debt including school loans and most my debt is school loans. Killer stuff really and it will follow you where ever you go... worse than the paparazzi! But yea I need a job! or several small jobs!