2 good deeds & grateful

Today I did 2 good deeds, so karma points for me!
In the afternoon on the way to work there was a homeless man with a sign "trying to get home" and this made me sad so I gave him the change I had in my car plus a bottle of water so he would stay hydrated.

Then near arriving to work I stop into Canes and pick up a $25 gift card for my coworker since its his bday on saturday. When I was able to give it to him, it made his day and so happy and a big hug. Just to see him the whole day happy and smiling was worth it!

So two good deeds done without thinking and I started to realize I am much much nice to strangers now. I have learned to open up more but not trust more for sure. I would like to avoid anymore heart breaks if i can, but I doubt it I am too loving of a person so it seems. But it hit me that I am a decent enough person and I should be proud/happy of all I have done art, life, pets, and love wise. I have given my everything in all that I have done and will do. I do good work and I have good ethics even if I am rebels or over-killed myself on coffee today!

seriously too much today that I am surprised I didn't have a sugar attack, I had more sugar than I do in a week today... not good since it messes with my anxiety. But other than that I have lived a fast life and people tell me that I have lived a life of a 45-50 year old and they are surprised i strive to keep moving. Or that I am a strong girl to gone through what I have... but not once have I seen it that way since... well I always just go forward and not knowing why?

but today i realized my subconscious is more aware of all the good I have done and do and will do as well. That is my underline fuel, its why I keep going even after my soul and heart got crushed, even after the abuse, the chaos of my life. It makes me seem strong to many but I dont see it since its go go go. But I know more than ever that I can keep going on more than I am aware of since I have been depression free for a week or so. But it feels nice not to be manic depressed, but I am sure it will come back but I will enjoy now right now :)