the lies

He said i was the one while he kept me in the shadows. He hide our love as if ashamed.

4 months ago he asked me to move in with him in Sweden. 3 months ago he broke my heart & soul. Now he is engaged. All the lies of love, I gave all my heart and soul and he kept me in the shadows... karma needs to go after him.

Seriously i did not deserve the pain he gave me. Luckily i have good hearted people in my life who have given me great support. But i dont wish any good for him. Just want karma to attack back.

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we were

You and I were a great love.
a dead memory
alive in the victims heart
is all that remains.

mask my pain with something beautiful...

mask my pain with something beautiful...
for i have mellow days and mellow nights
all which are too familiar
lonely grasp of depression death
it begins again...
rebirth of a new sadness
and another mask placed on
conceal my pain with a beautiful lie
pretending to be ok
but i am just a dead memory.

Trail of lights that need to nowhere
with other paths touching the night
which way to follow into the darkness
and back into the light
life and death simplified to lines and lights
such beauty but a fragile line

gone gone

Halloween started for me in august this year and ended Nov 8, 2010. It was a great experience to build a store up, tear it down and dress up for a moth straight. It put me back into retail but it was bearable and interesting. Halloween is my element and I was happy there working with a weird mix of people.
halloween night I was a dead school girl


just some of the pictures from my work, soon to work on a halloween book.

"dead girls are easy..."

freshly dead cop costume, I cant stand to look normal in a costume for some reason, But as a fairy I can do that. There is more pics to come soon :)
Cop:


Fairy:


Mad Hatter:


Random:

finally watched

I finally was able to watch Donnie Darko for the first time, no one has ever explained or summarized it for me to even watch it. Just the mer "watch it" which when said to me, wont grab m curiosity.

I love the way this is written!
Then there is Frank the Bunny which I want a tattoo of next! I know someone who will do it but I just need to draw it and stylize/personalize it for myself as well.


BUT I LOVE THE MOVIE!
it is seriously like a dream parts I have had and it made perfect sense to me. Its not a graphic its beautiful music and the cinema-photography is good and its a movie of my time and makes sense to my twisted art mind. love love it!

And its one of the movies I am watching on loop this month along with lost boys, the number 23, the science of sleep, the cell, Alice, What dreams may come, Romeo & Juliet, Let the Right One In.

Daria is a great cartoon, miss it being on but I found this and love it too!

Texas Renaissance Festival 2010

Texas Renaissance Festival 2010 - Weekend theme 1001 Dreams
Enter a world of dreams, fantasy and another world

Fairy story time

And lots of shows to enjoy

Watch the workers working and making crafts

Parades of Fairies and all the other themes they have working there

Crystal necklaces are made for the young ones as well

Fairy naps are encouraged

all in days sighting of fantasies and dream land fills the heart with happiness and ease


More photos here

yes once more

my heart rebroke as i found some pics of him and I still on my mac... we looked so happy... you could never tell he was about to rip out my heart and soul... and yes i know i am an idiot to cry over him again.

But I can not help it, I gave more than 300%+ to him. heart, soul, time, memories, love, gifts, traveling to see him... but i was not worth it... was i ever? probably not, i dont know.

but it hurts to know who else is next to give me my next heartbreak.... 5 is too much already... do i deserve this pain again? i dont know...

the light

ode to my name aileen meaning "the light bearer" and I do enjoy taking pictures of lights or have them involved into a photograph. For a moment I froze energy and light like a frozen snowflake.

bnw halloween october

Hold on to your demons since you will never know when you will need to unleash them. Hold on to them as if there is a monster after you and it is life or death to survive...

Enter a world where wishes are granted by the genie, she hold no remorse for your soul. Ask wisely to surivie the the path into hell...
Mr. Leprechaun meets you only to push you down into the pits of hell and laugh away at your miserable soul and dangers awaiting you ahead.
skulls skulls are everywhere, no path to walk on besides on the heads of those before you. Step over them and try not to become part of the collection...

a few more photographs here

art is for life

inspired by my friend Sarah's Blog this is why I create art... I live in an art world that is fueled by my dreams, desire to breathe art, to bleed out blood droplets that makes shapes and forms. I love the way I get lost making art and how it feels when I am done and looking at what my idle hands and subconscious make in the end. What was for a second lines and random shapes form the idea that was trapped within me. Given like birth of art it free flows out like water crystals that I intake that reflow out into an ocean of creativity. I do everything as much as I can in a form of art, I even give love in a form of art. I speak poetically if not conscious of what I am saying. I can not function without it being some form of art. I would rather wither and die a thousand deaths than not feel the art that runs deep within my soul, heart, veins and mind.

art is for life.

Underneath a broken heart is beauty releasing into another form.... and mine is but now I just need more time to make art <3